When this week started, I didn’t expect for Kwame Brown to basically become my favorite person ever—a 7-foot reincarnation of every role Clifton Powell has ever played in a movie. But here we are. And why are we here? Well, basically Kwame Brown has fucking had it.
Kwame Brown, the former number one draft pick of the National Basketball Association’s Washington Wizards in 2001, has been the butt of jokes as potentially being one of the biggest draft busts of all time—though Darko Milicic and Michael Olowkandi would love to have a word with him. I was here in Washington, D.C., when he was drafted and remember how the media and fans alike were as unkind to Brown as possible. It didn’t help that Michael Jordan was basically a tormentor to Brown (though Jordan is the person who drafted him). The stories were that Brown, who was 18-years-old at the time, couldn’t make it in the league. But as has been pointed out, he did manage to make it for 12 years and if he’s a saver, his family is probably set for generations at this point.
Well, as you probably know by now if you’ve spent any time on social media, Gilbert Arenas joined Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson on their All The Smoke podcast and got to talkin’ shit about Kwame Brown.
And then the magic happened.
Kwame Brown went from being somebody whose voice I literally could not remember to actual must-see television. You see, Kwame has fucking had enough of folks talking shit. Especially Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson, and when Gilbert Arenas made some comments he didn’t like, he went after all them niggas on IG lives that are literally the reason the IG Live platform was meant to exist. Kwame Brown basically went to callin’ folks out and letting them know that he wasn’t about to sit here and take that shit. Which could have just resorted in a bunch of back and forths between them all, except another magical thing happened. Instead of jaw jackin’ back and forth with Gilbert Arenas (who he accused of taking money out of his pockets as a player) he called Gilbert who THEN took to Instagram to clear the air and let us know a thing or two about Kwame Brown.
Basically, Kwame Brown is fucking Deebo and Gilbert don’t want it with Kwame.
This nigga Gilbert said he only went to the club when Brown (read the caption and comments) was there and stopped wearing jewelry out when Brown got traded. He let folks know that Brown was about that life. And THEN he told stories about Kwame and his brother, basically superheroes at this point, deciding to take on 3 bouncers apiece outside a club where it had just taken 20 bouncers to, maybe, get him out the club?
And this was especially important because Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson ain’t exactly dudes known for sidestepping the smoke, and yet they both publicly more or less backed off their comments and pointed out they don’t really want the smoke with Kwame. Even in Stephen Jackson’s bravado, he pointed out that he ain’t got no issue, it was just jokes, more or less (all covered in the previous linked Root post). Which leads me to one conclusion and one conclusion only:
Kwame Brown must be a motherfucking legend out here with them hands.
And also, how in the fuck did we not know this? Kwame left the league quietly and really only ever surfaced at all (as far as I know) when folks talked about his career as a bust. And I suppose he took that on the chin most of the time and as annoying as it can be to hear that, he’s a multi-millionaire. But apparently, hearing Gilbert Arenas say something that he felt was talking shit was a bridge too far. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back and well, Kwame Motherfuckin’ Brown has had enough.
That man got on live and sounded like every country uncle you know better than to fuck with. Except Gilbert Arenas (who is an amazing story teller, by the way, in general) gave us that additional context that let us know that there probably needs to be a Kwame Brown documentary or character added to the Marvel Cinematic Universe inspired by him because apparently niggas know better. So when he’s on IG live rockin’ cowboy hats and button up shirts, singing R. Kelly songs and talkin’ with a “you niggas know better than this” affect, well, he’s definitely letting them boys know they better try Jesus because he throws hands.
And I guess his family does, too. He’s just as confused as we are that they’re coming for him like this because they, too, clearly know that he gets busy.
Even Jemele Hill is acting like Kwame Brown is NBA’s Suge Knight, channeling Charles Oakley all the live long day.
And you know what, I’m here for it. I’m here for the Kwame Brown career-revitalization. He’s been talked about so long that maybe it’s time to hear Kwame tell his own tale. Because apparently everybody in the NBA knows the deal. Get that man a Netflix deal, STAT.
Thanks, Obama.