Celebrities have been flinging themselves onto the front lines of Black Twitter with their unfounded COVID-19 theories, and you’d think Tyrese would’ve used the opportunity to not be the target of the platform’s trolling for once. Tyrese could’ve thrown in the tile in this ignorant COVID-19 discourse and slid by unscathed. Nevertheless, his foolishness persisted.
On Tuesday, the “Sweet Lady” singer and Fast & Furious franchise actor posted a not-at-all-candid-but-candidly-inspired selfie peering out of an airplane window. That part is typical of any celebrity or influencer. The accompanying caption, however, is uniquely Tyrese.
“One of my secrets for staying COVID free is I sleep with the heat on 90 degrees every night lol...Been sleeping at this temp for 15 years so it’s nothing new...but...Rumor has it if you catch COVID it doesn’t survive warm temperatures?” Tyrese wrote, noting that it was one of his random flight musings. In one of the weirdest segues ever, he then proceeded to rant about disloyal people. Bet.
Earlier this year, The Root had the opportunity to sit down with the tile in Tyrese’s abode for an exclusive interview.
Because there are apparently 90 degrees of separation between Tyrese and sense, The Root is now pleased to have a sit-down with the very thermostat that provides Tyrese’s personal life-saving, COVID-attacking 90-degree temperatures.
The Root: Hi, thanks for joining us, Tyrese’s Thermostat. Is it OK if we refer to you as such?
Tyrese’s Thermostat: Hello, thanks for having me. My full name is Thermostatitus Keith Sweat Carolina Reaperton, III but that is quite a mouthful, so you can call me TT.
TR: Fantastic. So, how have you been managing now that Tyrese has announced your pivotal role during the global pandemic?
TT: Listen, I was just minding my business, trying to make a personal Hot Girl Summer for my client. I have not even consented to my likeness being used as a preventive measure against the novel coronavirus, let alone an entire cure. I’m not trying to take Vaccine Shaw’s job or upstage her in any way.
TR: Who?
TT: Oh, Vaccine Shaw...the new Moderna vaccination developed by a Black woman. She was named after Maxine Shaw, Attorney at Law from Living Single. She’s the homie. Anyway, Tyrese’s body temperature is at least 96.8 degrees Fahrenheit so I’m not sure what my measly 90 degrees will accomplish.
TR: Ah, I see. Shoutout to Erika Alexander’s iconic portrayal. So, let’s get a behind-the-scenes look into Tyrese’s state while you’re heating up his home in this manner. Does he seem to be getting a decent amount of sleep?
TT: From my observations, yes. I will say, he does often recite the opening monologue from Baby Boy sometimes, but other than that...nothing too noticeable. There’s definitely a lot of sweating.
TR: Does he toss and turn? Randomly get up to get a drink of water? He must be thirsty!
TT: He only has a thirst for dropping gems on social media.
TR: Since we’re on the topic of water, do you know if he has painted any more masterpieces like his iconic Malcolm X baptizing Tupac?
TT: Not that I know of—but I did hear him mumbling something about him possibly recreating Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam as a peace offering to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson last month. You know, with Tyrese as God and The Rock as Adam. Get it?? Because The Rock is Black Adam?
TR: Ha, that’s funny. In the 15 years you’ve been providing Tyrese this extreme amount of heat, I’m sure you have quite the intimate relationship with him now. Is there anything you can divulge to his fans that they may not know about him?
TT: No comment.
TR: Aw, no inside scoop for our exclusive?
TT: Stop pressuring me!! I said ‘no comment!’ See, this is why I can’t be stepping into any shady rooms—
TR: But, we’re not…
TT: —or eating with no damn morning meal clubs…
TR: ...that’s not us, either...
TT: Whatever! Look, I’m already stressed enough as it is. Y’all humans may be in a government-mandated lockdown, but my literal entire lifespan has consisted of being locked to a fucking wall!! What more do you want from me?!!
TR: Oh! I didn’t mean to upset you...I apologize. No further questions.
TT: Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Zoom meeting with Megan Thee Stallion...real hot device shit.