Have you heard what “many people are saying?”
Apparently, there are K-12 school teachers across America who studied Critical Race Theory and are now intent on teaching it to elementary school students. Everyone knows that there are thousands of grassroots organizers trained to hack into voting machines to implement widespread voter fraud schemes, but have you heard about MAGAntifa? It’s like regular Antifa, but instead of Black Lives Matter protests, these people undermine conservative rallies by causing violence.
Whenever conservatives adopt a political position, instead of presenting their argument with research, data or objective facts, they tell us what “people are saying.” These imaginary friends haven’t appeared before Congress, or on Tucker Carlson. Even the most powerful conservative outlets are never able to score an interview with any of these unseen strawmen. But trust me, they exist.
For more than 10 years minutes, The Root has searched for these elusive radicals to expose the threat of CRT kindergartens classes, undercover antifas and these sophisticated vote hackers. Finally, we achieved what Laura Ingraham, Tomi Lahren and the entire Republican Party could not do. We gathered all of these subversives in a room for an exclusive interview.
The participants included:
Nancy V. Sybil, Ph.D.: A former Critical Race Theory professor who now teaches fourth-grade social studies at Confederate Elementary in Narnia, Texas.
Dr. Andrew Vacks: Chief biotechnology engineer for the Institute for Scientific Studies’ Advanced Laboratory for Immunology Experimentation (ISSALIE).
Latifah Jackson: Whose niece recruited her into the anti-fascist movement.
Emma Gertrude Nation: A grassroots organizer for “Start the Steal” a 501(3)c charity dedicated to rigging elections.
The following is a transcript of our conversation.
People are saying it deserves a Pulitzer.
The Root: First, let me thank you all for granting us this groundbreaking interview to clear.
N.V. Sybil: No problem, I don’t teach in the summer anyway. I was just preparing my Critical Race Theory lesson plans for the upcoming school year.
The Root: Really? Do you live in a state where they allow teachers to teach Critical Race Theory?
N.V. Sybil: Nah, I live in Texas. Don’t believe that stuff they say in the news about Texas. They are very liberal. They let teachers do whatever we want.
The Root: But what about the new law that bans CRT in the classroom?
N.V. Sybil: Look, no one cares what the law says. If they really cared about their kids’ education, they would actually let us teach it. I’ve been teaching social studies for 23 years and they just started letting us teach about slavery in 2018. Until 2015, they made us refer to enslaved Africans as “immigrants.” So, I figured, if we teach white history, I needed to balance it out with some Critical Race Theory that I learned in law school. As the great historian Linnethia Monique Leakes once said: “Who gon’ stop me, boo?”
Or maybe that was Robert E. Lee. I get confused.
Aunt ‘Tifa: I know that’s right! I love when people disregard the law! That’s why I joined the Antifa in the first place!
The Root: I thought your niece inspired you to join?
Aunt ‘Tifa: Well, kinda. She was in the Black Lives Matter movement. I love protests, but every time I went to a BLM demonstration, the police would be out there spraying pepper spray balls and beating everyone. I wondered why they called the BLM rallies violent, until I noticed that I didn’t see any white people there!
That’s when I started going to the MAGA rallies. You can carry machine guns, yell at cops and even storm capital buildings and no one will say anything! It’s a lot safer. Plus I am all about diversity and inclusion.
The Root: So you were at the Capitol trying to overthrow the government?
Aunt ‘Tifa: Well, honestly, I went because I had never been to D.C. before, and who turns down a free trip? It was nice, too. Aside from listening to Creedence Lynyrd Skynyrd for eight hours straight, and white people walking around on the charter bus in their bare feet, it was lovely.
I want to be clear: I had no idea we were trying to overthrow the government. I thought I was going to a church service. When people asked me if I believed in “insurrection,” I told them that I do believe in the risen Christ. I just assumed white people celebrated Easter on Jan. 6. Who am I to judge?
The Root: Did you breach the Capitol Building?
Aunt ‘Tifa: I did go with my group inside the Capitol, but I just assumed we were allowed in. You know white people can go anywhere they want! But I didn’t attack no police officers, though. I heard one say that this was “unbearable” so I spritzed him with some of that “bear repellent” body spray they passed out on the bus. He was so happy he fell to his knees in tears. That’s when I told him to remember that Aunt Tifa was here.
I could never find the beach everyone was talking about.
The Root: This is so enlightening!
Andy Vacks: You want to talk about enlightening, I enlightened people about the COVID vaccine not being safe and they act like it’s all my fault! I did a lot of the early research on the coronavirus and I was the first medical professional to determine that COVID-19 is just like the flu.
The Root: But most medical professionals say that isn’t true. What evidence do you have that the coronavirus isn’t deadly?
Andy Vacks: My research. I know five people who died from COVID. I know six people who died from the flu, including my grandmother. Nothing is worse than your mother dying. Therefore COVID is no worse than the flu. See, it’s just science!
The Root: How old are you, Dr. Vacks?
Andy Vacks: I’m 58.
The Root: So, the flu killed six people in 58 years and the coronavirus killed five people in one year and you think that’s the same?
Andy Vacks: Well, now that you put it like that, I see what you mean. I didn’t factor in the time.
The Root: But you’re a medical professional who works at one of the leading research labs! How could you mislead people like this if your work is widely respected?
Andy Vacks: My work is very respected. I was named third shift Maintenance Engineer of the Year for three years running!
The Root: Wait...you’re a janitor? Why would you give out medical advice and you’re not a medical professional?
Andy Vacks: Hold up, now. I am the chief janitor in the maintenance engineering department. They pay me, which makes me a professional. I work at a medical facility, so technically, I’m a medical professional.
Is it my fault that people on Facebook assume I’m a doctor just because I call myself Dr. Vacks? That stands for Drew Vacks! Do your research! Plus, when I cite medical studies, I’m actually citing peer-reviewed research. Dr. Clarence Lowell of the CDC says the vaccines are not safe!
The Root: He’s a doctor at the Centers for Disease Control?
Andy Vacks: No, Clarence, the Doctor of Clean! He owns a car wash in District of Columbia called the Car Detail Clinic. You haven’t seen his commercial? “Call Dr. Clarence and he’ll clean dat car!” It’s in Central D.C. near the new condos in Dupont Circle.
That’s a lot of CDCs, right?
The Root: Yeah, that is a lot of CDCs. But Clarence is not a real doctor!
Andy Vacks: Clarence said he was cleaning out a ’92 Honda Civic and found evidence that the CDC knew COVID was created in a lab. I posted it in my Facebook group so people could see for themselves. The papers were a little dirty because Clarence cleaned the windows with them but it clearly shows that the coronavirus was created by the Chinese military.
Some people claim it’s just a menu for the Cantonese Dining Club, the Chinese restaurant next door to the CDC, but I’m just putting the information out there. If you look closely, it clearly said that the vaccine was manufactured by one 0f the highest-ranking officials in the Chinese military, Gen. Tso. It’s part of a plan to harvest and sell cheap body parts. You can already buy spare ribs for $13.99.
The Root: Oh, my God, I can’t believe people are dying because of misinformation from a restaurant menu!
Andy Vacks: Who are you going to believe–actual doctors or Clarence the Doctor of Clean? Clarence’s wife went to nursing school! She didn’t graduate but she knows her stuff! Unlike those medical doctors, she doesn’t have an agenda.
Well...she has a tiny little beef with the Chinese restaurant because they will never give her extra soy sauce but trust me, these are documents from a top-secret lab with technology that we don’t have yet. You gotta keep this to yourself, but I have evidence that shows they’re working some kind of sauce that is sweet and sour at the same time!
Emma G. Nation: I know that restaurant! A lot of voter suppression advocates meet there for lunch.
The Root: Finally someone sane! Miss Nation, do you do a lot of work fighting voter suppression?
Emma G. Nation: Fight it? I’d never do that. I’ve dedicated my life to increasing voter suppression.
The Root: What? You’re pro-voter suppression?
Emma G. Nation: Yes. For years Black people’s right to vote has been suppressed. Most people think we need to fix the Voting Rights Act, but I don’t have any faith in the Republican Party. So, I took a different approach. I started a grassroots effort to treat white voters like America treats Black voters.
The Root: So you are rigging elections with widespread voter fraud?
Emma G. Nation: I didn’t create widespread voter fraud, they did. When people’s votes are suppressed, the resulting election is fraudulent.
When Black people wait in line for hours to vote, that’s widespread voter fraud. When voting machines in Black precincts are outdated or broken, that’s widespread voter fraud. When Black votes are purged or simply wiped out, that’s widespread voter fraud. Gerrymandering is voter fraud. Closing polls in majority-Black areas is voter fraud. Black people don’t have equal access to the polls, so I found a way to make white voting equal.
White people call this “election engineering,” so technically, I’m an engineer.
White people will believe anything, so I just give them a little disinformation and they run with it. Plus, you know they blame everything on Black people, so I use that to my advantage.
The Root: How do you do that?
Emma G. Nation: Well, if you tell them machines are changing votes, they’ll order a whole new batch of machines for Black neighborhoods! If you tell them that the vote count is rigged, they’ll do 1,000 recounts. When these new laws suppress white people’s votes, they’re going to be mad as fuck. They might even suggest some kind of voting rights act.
But I’ll be honest, this “Stop the Steal” thing kinda backfired on me. I didn’t think they’d go this crazy and create more blatant voter suppression laws. My bad. That’s on me.
The Root: I gotta tell you, I’m pretty disappointed. I came here thinking that I was getting a scoop! Except Mrs. Sybil, who’s actually a critical race theorist, none of you are what white people are worried about!
N.V. Sybil: Actually, I don’t know anything about CRT. I’ve never even been to law school. I just tell my students that every Black history lesson is Critical Race Theory to make them pay attention. Apparently, kids are very interested in learning something illegal.
I wish there was a way I could teach these white parents about actual history but they went to school in Texas, so they don’t care.
Andy Vacks: You could put it on Facebook.
Emma G. Nation: Or start a conspiracy theory that the government is giving Black kids extra history lessons. They’ll hate that.
Aunt ‘Tifah: They’ll storm the principal’s office and demand that their kids get some of that Black history.
The Root: Come on, white people aren’t that dumb!
N.V. Sybil: You’re right. They’re literally refusing to take a vaccine that will save their lives. They believe the government, intelligence community, doctors and scientists are hiding top secret information that was posted on Facebook. They stormed the Capitol Building to commit an act of fascism and blamed it on Anti-fascists. They believe that Black people in cities across America conspired to rig an election to oust the president but Black people in cities across America didn’t conspire to rig the election four years earlier. They believe that that Black teachers are teaching law school-level concepts to children who don’t know basic history. They’re literally passing laws to ensure that their kids know less about history.
Trust me, they’re dumb.
Andy Vacks: Even the CDC knows that.