The late, great Marvin Gaye once sang that he “heard it through the grapevine.” Little did I know I’d be expressing the same sentiment…about his son’s music video from 6 years ago.
That’s right; thanks to Twitter, I now know the song “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” is not just a sweet song by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons (and awesomely covered by Lauryn Hill) but an awful club mix that has nothing to do with the aforementioned song. It is a song by Gaye’s son, Marvin Gaye III (MG3) and it was released in Summer 2013. Somehow, though, it has resurfaced at the very end of Hot Girl Summer 2019.
If you’d like a breakdown of said video, well, you have come to the right place. It is, indeed, here, my dear.
0:12 - First of all, his clubwear looks like if Ed Hardy was a barbecuing uncle named Eddie Hardo.
0:16 - Ah yes, a mediocre white woman video vixen. This is going to be goooood.
0:21 - Shout-out to the Marvin Gaye mural that also serves as a spray-painted t-shirt.
0:29 - Plot twist! Here’s the real mediocre white woman video vixen! But, this time she is giving us Stifler’s-mom-from-American Pie. I’m intrigued!
0:50 - The men stare longingly at Stifler’s Mom’s Stand-In (SMS) as she argues with her boo-thang. Next thing you know, her Claire’s Accessories bracelet falls off. Oh no! Let me guess, this will be used as MG3’s stalker icebreaker.
1:02 - I’m. Sorry. What?!
1:08 - Using some sort of a Minority Report technology, we are treated to a weird transition of MG3 Googling videos of the woman and binge-watching them on his television.
1:23 - SMS eventually makes the long-awaited visit to MG3’s crib wearing the appropriate attire: Sexy Newport News Catalogue.
1:27 - He has a well-placed photo of thee Marvin Gaye right at the entrance so she’s not only impressed by the lineage, but assumes he also has the musical ability and sex appeal. Spoiler alert, sis…
1:43 - Oop! Now they’re going out! That escalated quickly. Did he ever even return her 2 for $7 bracelet, though?!
2:01 - Well, I must say the song is appropriately titled because 75% of each chosen shot for this video is MG3 creepily staring at SMS. Points for accuracy, I guess.
2:21 - Wow, MG3 just burst out what would become a popular selfie filter on social media. A trendsetter.
2:30 - Oh! This must be that D’Extra Wiley fella on the credits. (Editor’s Note: D’Extra Wiley was part of the 90s R&B group, II D Extreme that also featured Johnny Gill’s brother, Randy, because every famous nigga has a brother named Randy. - PJ)
2:37 - Ah, the kiss! It has the sizzling hot chemistry of two potatoes wilting in an old fridge, but I digress.
2:46 - Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re just reusing shots here.
3:09 - As I was sitting here, I kept looking at the duration of the video like, “Shit, I got one whole minute left of this?!” And lo and behold, the credits start rolling. The credits read, “Staring [sic] Marvin Gaye, Wendy Gaye.” Oh, that’s his wifey! Cute. Staring, though. Apropos...because he can’t take his eyes off her? Get it?! Totally intentional.
No, I’m not going through 1 whole minute of credits and I did, in fact, stop there. Okay okay, I fast-forwarded to see if there was a post-credits scene. It’s not—just a Microsoft Paint-worthy cover art for this single.
Anyway! Black Twitter, land o’ roasting, certainly had something to say about the music video, as well.
No mercy (mercy) for him!