1. My sexuality (of course)
2. My blackness
3. My black male-ness
4. My fashion sense
5. My understanding of how gowns work
6. My relationship with my dad
7. My feelings about carpets
8. My feelings about the color red
9. My feelings about when things like “carpets” and “red” are in close proximity
10. My feelings about niggas who go by “Billy” instead of “Bill” or “Will” or “Willie” or “William”
11. My long-held theories about why “Willie” is usually spelled “Willie” instead of “Willy”
12. My confidence
13 The curriculum I planned on teaching my daughter
14. The way I feel when I hold my son
15. The way I feel when I hold a half pound of uncooked pepper bacon
16. They way I feel when I hold deez nuts
17. Deez nuts
18. My memories about that time in 2002 when I saw that cute girl at Lazarus downtown and I smiled kinda at her and she smiled kinda back and then I went to talk to her and she had this strange look on her face and I was kinda weirded out and then I looked back and realized she wasn’t smiling at me but at the rack of 40 percent off Kenneth Cole dress shirts I was standing next to
19. My Christianity
20. My long-cemented understanding of when its appropriate for niggas to use parsley
21. My understanding of America as a post-imperial triangulated oligarchy with pre-neoliberal sensibilities
22. My hairline
23. My long settled doubt that some niggas need salmonella poisoning
24. My feelings, generally, about Helen Mirren
25. My personal salvation
26. How I believe I sound when I sing “Gethsemane (I Only Want To Say)” in the shower
27. My feelings, generally, about the harmlessness of colonoscopies
28. My feelings, generally, about the evil of colonoscopy prep
29. My belief that James Harden should be headed towards his third consecutive MVP
30. My belief that saying “Drats!’ in response to mildly disappointing news is more flavorful than “Aiight.”