Y’all really got to stop it with the Russell Wilson and Ciara news. And by y’all, I mean anybody who gives enough of a shit about this on-going saga when there are more important things going on to report it and make it part of everyday conversations. In no world should Ciara and Russell Wilson be a part of everyday conversations outside of football season. Ciara isn’t part of any music convos anymore and that’s okay. She took her shots, made a few, and now there’s a new league.
But since we're here and because you people hate me, the latest Ciara news centers around the fact that Baby Future refers to Russell Wilson, her newly minted husband and Baby Future’s stepdaddy, as “Papa”.
So. The. Fuck. What?
Look, again because you people hate me, we are all aware of the pretty fucked up saga of Ciara and ex-boothang, Future. Future, while making music we all enjoy while sipping our Moscato and vaping, appears via court documents and social media shenanigans to be pretty much an ain’t shit dude. I’m guessing the only reason we haven’t heard from the rest of his baby mamas about how ain’t shit he is is because they’re not famous and he’s the meal ticket. You do not fuck up the meal ticket. And as messed up as what I’m about to say is, I’d bet good money he didn’t exactly sire his legion of children with a bunch of independent women sporting Ph.D.s and such. If I’m wrong, I apologize. From the heart.
Ciara on the other hand is a woman who has her own, and for the better part of the past few years has been in one of the more annoying relationships with one of the more annoying athletes in Russell Wilson. He’s been present for her and her child and it’s been a thing. We all know it’s a thing because social media and virginity pledges and late night talk shows and shit. Future has been playing the public “she’s disrespecting me as a father” card and the truth is probably that she has been living her life the best way she can as a woman who has found a new relationship but the ex won’t let her cook AND happens to be a public figure who comes off as a bit of a dick.
But, let’s remove the famous nature of the people involved and make it about new dad boo and allowing another man’s child to call him “papa” or any reasonable facsimile of “daddy”. I’ve heard via radio and seen via social media several men up in arms about this, as if to imply that Ciara is being disrespectful to Future and his role as Baby Future’s daddy by allowing him to refer to another man in such a fashion. This is pure and utter poppycock.
Let’s delve, shall we? Yes, let’s.
But first, some background on me. We’re about to wade into hallowed waters because we’re going for the “mommy” card here.
When I was six-years-old, my little sister and I moved from the care of my mother in Ann Arbor, Michigan (at the time) to Frankfurt, Germany, to live with my father, a man that I didn’t remember all that well and who my sister had only seen twice before her third birthday though my parents were married for a short time. My father and my now step-mother were living together with her two children, my step-sisters (ain’t really no step in our lives, I’m only referring to her as my step-mother to make a point).
This woman raised me from six until eighteen. Sure, during summer breaks we’d go back to America and stay with my mother and all that jazz. But the fact is, at some point, we started to refer to my step-mother as “mama”. I don’t know when it happened or why, really, but it happened. She is, to this day, “mama” and she is “mama” when she and my biological mother are in the same room. Do you know what I call my biologocial mother? “Mommy.” I have tremendous relationships with them both and they both took part in raising me into the gorgeous individual that I am today. I’ve never asked my biological mother how she felt about calling my step mother “mama”, but she ALSO refers to her as such when speaking of her, as in, “How are your dad and mom doing?”
There’s a level of respect there because the fact is, “mama” raised me, and she knows it. She was there for me when my “mommy” couldn’t be for geographical reasons and its okay. We’ve managed to create this family that works. Do you know what my step-sisters refer to my father as? “Daddy”. Well there’s a caveat: I have a sister who is my same age, and she does. My oldest sister refers to my father by his name most of the time but on occasion calls him “dad”. She was also thirteen years old when my parents got married, and eleven when they moved in together. It’s never been an issue in my house. My sister calls both my father and her biological father dad because both men actively raised her.
My oldest sister? When she got re-married a few years ago, BOTH of her fathers, my dad and her dad walked her down the aisle. And to complete the confusion, when my step-sister’s father died in 2012, I flew out to California to be with the family because you know what, he wasn’t my father, but he was my family and always treated me like a son.
Our family is a mixed bag and probably not the norm. I recognize this, but the fact is a bunch of adults had to recognize that they were raising kids as a group and what kind of sense would it make for these children who’ve been actively raised by other people to call them by their names and not “dad” or “mom”.
Let’s make this MORE personal.
My daughter’s mother was recently married to a man whom I respect greatly because he loves my daughter and treats her as his own. We have a blended family and he respects that. He respects me and I respect him. My daughter still refers to him by his first name (or at least she does when I’m around), but I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point if she were to call him “dad”. I will forever and always be her “daddy”, but this man will be there and has been there for a significant part of her growth and development. This is my life and at LEAST it’s a man who has shown me respect as her father.
But in no way would it be disrespectful UNLESS her mother is TELLING her that she has a daddy now and that I’m just the sperm donor or some such ACTUALLY disrespectful shit. Look, to a degree, I can understand why men in particular feel some type of way about their child calling another man “daddy”. Especially when you’re in a co-parenting situation. Then again, if it was co-parenting, this wouldn’t be a thing. So if you’re in a situation where there’s a lot of tension and aggravation and anger, and somebody is being petty and trying to use the kid against you, then yes. Be pissed. Be angry. But I’m guessing the kid calling another man who has been in his life consistently “daddy” isn’t the main issue, it’s just added to the list of issues that need to be addressed. It’s rough when you feel powerless to make changes and when it seems like the person you created a child with is being difficult and attempting to erase you and you role out of your child’s life. That’s what court is for, though. When people talk about fighting for your kids, that’s the time.
But Baby Future calling Russell Wilson, his step-father, and a man who has clearly taken an active interest in his life, papa? That’s nothing. Is he supposed to call him Uncle Russell? Or Russy? Now, perhaps if Future and Baby Future are out playing invisible or something and Baby Future says that he plays this with his dad all the time, then absolutely, he should convene a pow-wow with Russell and Ciara and they should all talk about who or what roles people are playing and how to address perceived sleights, especially for a child so little. It might ALSO be time for Future to, you know, step up and spend more time with his son if he’s worried about losing his spot.
And do we even know if Future is hot about this? From the little I do know, I wouldn’t be surprised, but it could also be pride talking.
Now, if Baby Future runs up on Future and calls him…Future, THEN, y’all can pull out the pitchforks. But the truth is…
…it will probably be Future’s fault anyway for being exactly who he seems like he is right now.