Between Meek Mill, Cornel West, and general niggadry everywhere, pettiness is having the best week ever. Oh, and me too. Let me tell you how. So recently on Twitter, somebody that I know but barely interact with was RTd into my timeline. That's retweeted for you old people. Which means somebody tweeted something, and somebody else hit a "re-tweet" button which allows that first thing to be seen on the 2nd person's timeline, which is where tweets show up.
So yes, somebody I barely interact with was RTd into my timeline. In my attempts to get more context into their statement, I clicked on their handle and found that this person had blocked me. Yes, I Panama Dontavious Jackson, not of the Gary, Indiana, Jacksons, has been blocked by a person he knows on Twitter. I touched my hand to my chest and thought outloud, "my nigga, did you micro-aggress me? I think you did."
Let's just start at the top. I understand blocking people from viewing your tweets if they harass you. Or threaten you, or any number of malicious things that are done on-line. I can even understand if said person has said something in support of Bill Cosby, the police (no Sting), trans fats, or Donald Trump. There are a zillion reasons to block somebody that make sense. I mean hell, its your Twitter timeline, do with it as you wish. But here's the rub, it's fucking dumb to block somebody if your tweets AREN'T PRIVATE. Do you know why? I'll tell you why. Because a petty nigga like myself will just log out of my personal account (the one that's blocked), return to Twitter without logging in and read your tweets JUST BECAUSE YOU SPECIFICALLY TRIED TO STOP ME FROM DOING SO.
Because I'm petty like that.
If I read one more tweet than you wanted me to read, I won. And to complete the murder, because I'm petty, I blocked them back. Not because I don't want them to see what I tweet. I honestly couldn't care less and my tweets are beautiful and the world should see them. No, I blocked them because they blocked me in the first place. Plus, samesies and shit. My Twitter feed is public. Anybody can read it. Blocking is symbolic, not functional. At least for me it is. I didn't even know I had been blocked. Blocking this nigga was purely a sign of I see your passive aggression and raise you a petty wap. BECAUSE I CAN STILL SEE YOUR TWEETS, MY NIGGA.
#GameBlouses
Obviously, God ain't done with me yet. I know this. And I'm constantly working on me. Most of the time. And luckily, God is blessin' all the trap niggas. But I cannot tell a lie, I've got the petty wap in me. Sometimes, you just have to get a minor victory in a war that doesn't even exist. Most of the time we call this being a woman. Or at least I used to would have said that. Remember, I'm working on me and shit. Point is, you will hear people tell you that you shouldn't be petty; rise above and shit. I'm here to tell you fuck that. And here are 7 reasons why you should just go on ahead and be petty, b.
1. There is no award for being the bigger person.
I checked. It does not exist. Sure, there are moral victories in life…but did you really achieve a victory if nobody but you knows it? I want to see my numbers in the rafters…the only way I can achieve that is to apply my pettiness, which will be better than yours. Why? Because I'm petty.
2. Being petty actually feels pretty good.
It's like a minuscule universe correction for some wrong perpetrated against you. And we like corrections. My teachers used to correct my shit all the time, fam. She was petty as fuck. But I'll bet she got her rocks off pointing out where I was wrong. For her it was vindication that I didn't know shit. Vindication feels like vacation. Both feel good. Unless your dad is "on vacation" like Forrest Gump's dad. That vacation probably wasn't so hot.
3. Pretty much everybody is petty, even if they swear they aren't.
Just because you haven't seen somebody be petty doesn't mean they aren't. There are a lot of solo villains running rampant in these streets letting air out of tires and putting bananas in tailpipes because somebody didn't text back quick enough. People love to claim to be better than they are. People suck. So just know, if the opportunity exists for a person to come at you with that Tom Petty, its more than likely about to be a heartbreaker. See what I did there?
4. Here's an example of petty. Say you're asleep with your significant other or random person who is asleep next to you. The person doesn't matter really. Say they keep pulling all of the covers off of you and in a fit of petty - and after they've done it enough to truly annoy you - you get up take the all of the covers and throw them bitches smooth out the window. Now nobody has covers. But you're not cold. The heat from your boiling blood will keep you warm at night (since your degrees won't! ZING!) while your significant other is pissed AND cold for the rest of the night. Petty? Absolutely. Okay? Absolutely. Why? Because sometimes folks don't respect your feelings until you lob the petty at them.
5. Similarly, sometimes people don't understand something is a problem until you SHOW them its a problem. Usually by being petty.
For instance. Say somebody never closes the cupboards when they get a glass or plate out of one. They just leave buss it wide open. This is an odd problem, but a problem nonetheless. But you ask them to remember. They either forget (possibly) or don't care enough to not do it again (likely). Well, there's really only one solution, but it's petty.
You have to go to their home and open up every single cupboard, door, and window (unless they live in the hood, you want them to learn, not get robbed…nobody learns lessons when they get robbed DURING the lesson). For weeks. Every day. Until they get the lesson. That shit is petty as fuck, but they gon' learn.
6. Because God ain't done with you yet.
While he's out blessin' all of the trap niggas, you might get into some situation that makes you want to be petty. Well, its not your fault. If God was done with you, you'd be good. But he isn't so you're not. Do you, boo.
7. Some folks just deserve it.
You break my shit, and don't care. That's cool. It was just something that mattered a lot to me, no biggie. Oops, I ain't mean to knock over your aquarium and step on Nemo. Nigga.
That's actually pretty cruel. Let's try again.
You almost run me over with your late model Benz. And look at me like I was in your way when the nice digital luminescent white man directing traffic at the crosswalk I'm standing in told me to go. Aight, b. Cool. You don't REALLY need that Benz emblem on your car. It was just gonna get fucked up in a car wash anyway. Thanks, bruh bruh.
Because petty.