There are very few times that I’ve ever found myself agreeing with the rhetoric of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. But Kim’s clapback after President Nooshi von BackWash screamed on him on a world stage (talking shit about a world leader during the United Nations General Assembly is the political equivalent of screaming on a fellow rapper on the Summer Jam stage) put me in Kim’s corner, at least for now.
During his 41-minute speech about how great he is as president (we see you, Zimbabwe!) Trump had this to say about the North Korean leader:
“No nation on earth has an interest in seeing this band of criminals arm itself with nuclear weapons and missiles,” Trump said, CNN reports. “The United States has great strength and patience, but if it is forced to defend itself or its allies, we will have no choice but to totally destroy North Korea. Rocket Man is on a suicide mission for himself and for his regime.”
We actually have the transcript of the moment that Kim’s minions reported back to him exactly what President NuNu von TurtleDick said.
Kim: That bitch was up there talking about me, wasn’t he?!
Minion: Um, not really ... kind of.
Kim [takes a seat and starts swinging feet rapidly]: What he say?
Minion: Well, he didn’t say much, but he did call you “rocket man.”
Kim: That orange muthafucka. Hand me my Sketchers! [Puts on shoes and storms out of room.]
Kim issued his now-infamous clapback, and while he definitely had a lot to say about Trump, including calling him a “a frightened dog” and a “gangster fond of playing with fire,” it was this next line in which Kim spit hot fire: “I will surely and definitely tame the mentally deranged U.S. dotard with fire,” Kim said, NBC News reports.
A dotard, son!
Below is actual footage of Kim surrounded by his staff after he dropped that “dotard” on ’em.
What the fuck is a dotard? Who cares. I know that he iced President LittleDick von LongSpeech with it. Fine. I will look it up.
Dotard
- an old person, especially one who has become weak or senile.
Killed. Him.
The worst clapbacks are the ones that are rooted in truth, and, well, let’s just say that Kim is on to something. Here are five examples of President Dotard von AssMouth being a dotard:
1. He can’t find his car.
This was arguably the scariest video of Trump I’d ever seen, and the prime example of what Kim was referring to when he called Trump a dotard.
After walking off of Air Force One, instead of getting into his presidential limo, the president just started wandering around like a lost asshole. Literally, this asshole walked past the big-ass presidential limo and was just walking. ... Where was he going? Who the fuck knows.
2. He rambles like no other.
The good folks at the Daily Beast are doing the Lord’s work and have transcribed long missives that have no point and no end. This particular passage is from a South Carolina campaign stop when Trump was still pushing to be president:
Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you’re a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my, like, credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger, fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
3. This YouTube video.
I don’t usually go down the YouTube rabbit hole, but this video feels pretty convincing. Just watch:
4. Famous people think he has some form of dementia.
I never like to play Dr. Google in my life or the lives of others, but I do think that erratic behavior calls for a closer look. Alternet took a deep dive into Trump’s behavior and found this:
Trump also seems to exhibit other signs of Alzheimer’s listed by health organizations. Moodiness, paranoia, belligerence and erratic behavior are all key indicators of the onset of dementia. Trump’s inappropriate tweets, his belief that his phones are tapped and his quickness to anger, as described by his staff, all fit the bill.
And MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough had this to say about Trump’s behavior:
I’m not saying that Donald Trump has dementia, but my mother has dementia. She lives in the moment. She forgets what she said a day ago, a week ago. We can’t have presidents that do that. And I’m not saying that he has dementia. I will leave that to his physician to figure that out.
Oh, former NFL player-turned-medical-marijuana advocate Kyle Turley added this:
Donald Trump is the poster boy for Alzheimer’s disease. He has early onset of Alzheimer’s disease. And it is starting to show. What he’s doing is totally erratic. His decisions and the way he talks and the way he speaks is not presidential.
5. He eats KFC chicken with a knife and fork.
I don’t want to be this black guy, but nothing tells me more about someone being a dotard then eating KFC with a knife and fork. I’m judging you off the top if you eat KFC. It tells me that you have at least two country-music tunes in your iTunes playlist. It tells me that you will walk around the gym bathroom stark, bucking naked. It tells me that you will probably eat anyone’s potato salad.
And how do I know this? Well, clearly you don’t give a shit about your intestinal tract, so why should you care about anything else? If you are willing to eat KFC mystery pieces, chances are you also purchased meat from a neighborhood meat truck! Now, if you would eat KFC with a knife and fork, then you really are a horrible, orange dotard.
Fuck this dotard.