One week ago, 64 wypipo threw their hat in the ring to see if they had what it takes to take be crowned the worst of 2018. Today, 16 competitors are left standing.
Some of them, like the Republican Party, have worked for decades to realize their dream. Others, like Sarah Braasch, have taken the world by storm with her relentless pursuit of imperfection. Regardless of how long they have been on the world stage, they have reached this point through dedication, teamwork and most of all, racism. But do they have what it takes to take home the trophy? Only you can decide.
Here is the updated bracket with the remaining teams vying for the ultimate title, the 2018 World Wypipo Championship:
The third round of the tournament is brought to you by the proud people of the telecom industry. Whether you’re calling the police on the black person who’s making you feel uncomfortable or streaming Fox News to your mobile device, the telecom industry promises to make sure you have clear reception wherever you want to practice your racism.
Let’s take a look at today’s matchups:
Police Callers
When Nikki Yovino called the cops on two college football players for sexually assaulting her, it was because she was trying to catch the interest of a potential boyfriend. Who knew that one lie would send her to jail, get the players kicked out of school and catapult her into the World Wypipo semifinals round?
Similarly, a family mourning the loss of their mother had no idea that knocking over a chalice at the funeral of a beloved family member would result in the priest calling the police, kicking them out of the church and forcing them to find another church to mourn their relative.
But today, Yovino and Father 911 face off to see which one of these cop-callers was the worst.
Imagine raising a child to be a responsible, hard-working teenager who was just trying to make a better future for themselves. Which would bother you more: a woman who called the police on your daughter for selling water outside a baseball game or the woman who called the police on your child for sleeping on the couch in a dorm lobby.
Before you vote, remember that the original Permit Patty said she was only pretending to call the police, while Sarah Braasch said she has done “absolutely nothing wrong.”
Official White People
Mitch McConnell killed health care, a Supreme Court nomination, legislation for reasonable tax rates and any hope of bipartisanship.
The police have killed 114 black people this year, 13 of which have been unarmed.
The only problem with Jeff Sessions’ Department of Justice is that the department really doesn’t care very much about justice. Homeland Security refuses to allow brown people and Muslims to make America their homeland and have not undertaken any real security measures. Immigration and Customs Enforcement has really enforced its racist, baby-snatching immigration policy.
Public Displays of Whiteness
When a white supremacist mob attempted to lynch 20-year-old Deandre Harris, they seemed like a shoo-in for worst wypipo of the year. But they face a perennial favorite in Tomi Lahren, whose skills and white tears are legendary in the professional racism circuit.
This matchup of two powerhouses is one of the most intriguing in tournament history. Richard Spencer invented the term “alt-right” and made it go mainstream, so the fact that he is still competing despite the fact that everyone knows he is already one of the world’s most respected white supremacists is admirable. But he is still at the top of his wypipo game.
When Spencer is inducted into the Wypipo Hall of Fame, Sean Hannity’s bust will already be on display (if they can find enough bronze to carve his outsized noggin).
Groups/Companies/Organizations
One is a group of white people who has been trying for years to give tax breaks to the wealthy while brainwashing working-class white people. They gave us George W. Bush and Donald Trump.
The other is the Republican Party.
Fox News doesn’t care about black women, all they care about is their political agenda. White feminists don’t care about black women as long as they can push their political agenda. Fox News will smile while telling a lie and act like they’re standing for equality. White feminists do the same thing.
Fox News is filled with blondes who only care about their own self-interests. White feminists...
You get what I’m trying to say.
Voting ends on Tuesday night at 11:59 pm. Be sure to cast your vote and share your bracket. Make sure you make the right choice by consulting with friends because these are decisions that should be made carefully. We trust you will make the right choice.