It's kinda, sorta fall now. Which means it's "Cuffing Season." Which means it's time for all the summer singles to scramble for brunch partners, bedsheet warmers, and people whose "Hey" texts you see but don't click on for hours because you don't want them to get a read receipt. Thing is, considering how the post-summer/pre-spring dating world actually works, "Cuffing Season" might not be the best description of it. Here are a few better, more efficient suggestions.
1. "She always keeps her fridge full of snacks" season
2. "He's okay, I guess, but his loft is two blocks away from my job, so why go all the way back to Brooklyn when I can just stay here?" season
3. "I really don't feel like turning on my gas yet, but he has electric heat" season
4. "Come thru." "Who's this?" "Does it matter?" "I guess not" season
5. "Do you need a ride home?" season
6. "She's cool, but, real talk, her booty's like a heated tempurpedic pillow" season
7. "I don't have cable anymore, but she does" season
8. "My roommate's boyfriend is staying with us, and he smells like moth balls and Captain Morgan, so I need somewhere to stay this weekend" season
9. "He's not much to talk about, but he always feels so warm inside me. And it's gonna be cold tonight" season
10. "Busy?" "Yeah, why?" "I was gonna bring some General Tso's Shrimp." "Ok, come over" season
11. "I know, I know, I know. It should have ended already. I'm just staying with him cause he's the third guy this fall already, and I need to keep my numbers down" season
12. "He eats the booty like groceries. And he buys groceries" season
13. "I really don't have any other options. At least none not incarcerated" season
14. "Stop pretending like you're surprised no cabs run this late. I know you planned this so you'd be "forced" to stay over" season
15. "Stop pretending like you accidentally got too tipsy to drive home. I know you planned this so you'd be "forced" to stay over" season
16. "I miss you." "We've known each other for 17 minutes." "But, still" season
17. "It really doesn't take that long to search for your keys in a purse" season
18. "I really want to go to brunch early tomorrow, but I really can't go alone again" season
19. "He has a big, thick, long-ass…TV, and Fear the Walking Dead is coming on tonight" season
20. "I think I've been listening to too much Drake" season