Movies That Couldn’t Be Made Today

This comedy about a disastrous flight hasn’t aged well. It’s chock full of cringe worthy jokes, but Barbara Billingsley a.k.a. TV’s June Cleaver “speaking jive” to random Black guys wasn’t funny in 1980 and it’s definitely not funny now.

A rich man literally buys Richard Pryor to be a toy for his white son. Need I say more? I know Pryor liked to push the envelope, but come on.

Like every other ‘80s comedy, Police Academy treats women like sex objects. But the real issue here is that in 2023 poking fun at the incompetence of police officers isn’t considered a joke. Their incompetence has become deadly and isn’t exactly a laughing matter.

Yes, White Chicks remains popular, but let’s be honest, a lot of those jokes are questionable. And Terry Crews’ character is cringe worthy. He’s the butt of the joke, but that doesn’t make him fun on repeat viewings.

In this 1986 disaster, C. Thomas Howell plays a rich white kid who pretends to be Black to get a scholarship when his father refuses to pay for Harvard Law School. He then spends the entire movie in Blackface learning a lesson about how bad it is to be Black. When the truth comes out, everyone forgives him. And yes, they titled it Soul Man after the song. It is unfathomable that this was ever an idea that someone thought was appropriate.

There are so many awful jokes against both Black and Asian people in these movies. Surely, you could’ve made a funny buddy comedy without playing into the worst stereotypes about both communities. The really bad part of this is they’re probably working on Rush Hour 4. Let’s hope they’ve learned something along the way.

Honestly, I could’ve gone with any of John Hughes’ ‘80s teen movies, because none of them have held up well. A recurring issue in all of them, but handled particularly poorly in Sixteen Candles, is the lack of consent among the girls in these films. This movie features one guy casually passing off his blackout drunk girlfriend to another guy. When she wakes up in a car with him the next morning, she basically says oh well. That’s the message teenagers were sent in the ‘80s most popular movies.

Yes, I get the joke. I see what they were going for. But, the idea of Robert Downey Jr. spending the entire movie in Blackface, pretending to be a Black man was just wildly misguided and offensive.

Warren Beatty really thought he did something with Bulworth. He plays a Senator who has a mental breakdown, starts telling the truth to his constituents and becomes obsessed with rap music. He even starts dating a Black woman and visits her family in South Central LA. It’s basically a white savior story set in politics. Is there a reason why a Black politician couldn’t be the center of a story about his community’s issues?

Remember when everyone was doing Austin Powers impressions? Yeah it was a rough time. Every single joke in all three of these movies has aged poorly. They are basically unwatchable now. In the third film, Beyoncé plays a female spy named Foxxy Cleopatra. Austin spends the whole movie inappropriately hitting on her, which he does with all the women in these movies.

John Smith as the white savior who keeps white soldiers from massacring Indigenous people. Yeah, you can put this one back in the vault Disney. To make matters worse, John Smith is voiced by Mel Gibson!

Jessica Tandy and Morgan Freeman give amazing performances, but we don’t need anymore “white boss befriends Black servant” movies. Let’s retire that genre forever.

While on the run, Gene Wilder uses Blackface and an absolutely ridiculous “Black person” impression to avoid the police. Were there no other disguises available? Also, the whole “act Black” trope is a running theme for these Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor team ups.

Once again an ‘80s teen movie takes things to the most offensive place possible. The Black characters are all one dimensional, with Lamar playing up every out of date, insulting stereotype about gay men. As bad as that is, far worse is the actual sexual assault that takes place in this movie. At one point, Lewis steals a costume and tricks Betty into thinking she’s having sex with her boyfriend. The movie ends with her saying she’s in love with a nerd and they’re happily married throughout the rest of the franchise. None of the women in this movie are treated with any modicum of respect.

When he’s suspended, an out of control male basketball player dresses up as a woman to play for a professional women’s team. There is no part of that plot that isn’t insulting to women, college and WNBA players and the transgender community. This movie is so offensive it feels like a weird fever dream we collectively experienced and not an actual film that was released in theaters.

Frankly, I didn’t think a movie that spends an hour and a half mocking an overweight man was funny in 1996 was funny. It’s even less watchable nowadays. That scene where Sherman is humiliated at the comedy club is heartbreaking. There’s always been something deeply uncomfortable about this film.