It was hot; iron cast skillet hot. And God was at a cookout going crazy on the deviled eggs. Maybe because they had paprika sprinkled on the top, or maybe he was trying to prove something to the devil by eating all of the eggs named after him, but at one point, onlookers began chanting “Go! Go! Go!” as God began stuffing his face. In total, he ate some 126 deviled eggs. The crowd went nuts, God waved them off like a champion does then he wandered out into an open patch of land and vomited.
Thus, Florida was born.
Ever since that day, Florida and Texas have been in a full-on fight to determine which is the most deplorable state, and ever since electing Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, Florida has been winning. Like winning winning.
For some reason, mostly because he’s Nestor’s fake father (You know Nestor, the intern Gaetz adopted but who totally has a real father) Gaetz not only believes that Kyle Rittenhouse is not guilty of fatally shooting two Black Lives Matter protesters, he wants to give him a fucking job.
In an interview with Newsmax aka Lil Fox News on Wednesday, Gaetz opened the apparatus he uses to kiss former President Trump’s ass to defend Rittenhouse, “saying he deserved a “not guilty” verdict even as a 12-person jury continues to deliberate the verdict,” Business Insider reports.
“He deserves a not guilty verdict, and I sure hope he gets it because you know what, Kyle Rittenhouse would probably make a pretty good congressional intern,” Gaetz said. “We may reach out to him and see if he’d be interested in helping the country in additional ways.”
From Business Insider:
Rittenhouse, 18, is on trial for fatally shooting Joseph Rosenbaum and Anthony Huber, and injuring Gaige Grosskreutz, during a Black Lives Matter protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin, last year. He pleaded not guilty and his attorneys claim he acted in self-defense. He faces five felony charges, including first-degree intentional homicide.
Gaetz also spoke up in defense of “QAnon Shaman” Jacob Chansley, who was sentenced on Wednesday to 41 months’ jail for his role in the January 6 Capitol riot, calling him a “relatively harmless, nonviolent vegan.”
“The notion that he’s got to be in prison for three-and-a-half years to settle some sort of political score defies justice,” Gaetz said. “The American people deserve a Department of Justice that is the least political agency in Washington, and instead what we’ve got is a Department of Justice that is the most political agency in Washington.”
Meanwhile, Gaetz might want to worry about his own backyard considering he is the subject of a DOJ investigation into whether he paid underage girls for sex.
Has anyone talked with Nestor?