Stop the presses.
Hold the phone.
I, and the rest of the folks on Beyoncé and Blue Ivy’s internet have been trying our best to deal with these insane and borderline disgusting food-centric TikTok trends. But this latest video has finally taken the cake.
Thanks to two culinary “im-pastas” named Josh and Lisa, the world has now been made privy to their “ultimate spaghetti trick.” (With names like that though, I should’ve already known I’d be in for some foolery. If this was Darius and Shaniqua, I would’ve expected something completely different.) What is the trick, you ask? Well, in a nutshell, it’s dumping all the ingredients used for a regular, flavorless pot of spaghetti and meatballs onto their countertop, mixing it and then eating it. Off of the countertop.
*Deep, disgusted Negro spiritual sigh*
What—and I can’t stress this enough—thee HELL is this? A TRICK? Tricks are for kids! You are two whole-ass, grown-ass adults. This is how you cook your food? I have so many questions: where are your pots and pans? Why is that Prego being served at room temp? Did you wipe the pet hair off the counter before you sashayed that sauce on there? Where is the seasoning? Are those meatballs frozen? If they aren’t, where is the seasoning? Why is that powdered parmesan cheese so blatantly labeled “parmesan cheese?” Did you clean off the counter? Why are using your hands to grab those noodles out the pot like that? Are your hands even clean? Is that a salad you tried to just spruce together as a side? Again, WHERE IS THE SEASONING?
You know what, let me just stop.
Fellow writer Zack Linly already told us about how y’all don’t be regularly washing your legs or other body parts, so I suppose it’s only right that this grimy gourmet meal makes its way into the mainstream, too. But wow. This is just—wow. I am disgusted, and as expected, I am not alone.
I don’t know about you, but I’m starting a petition to get #CountertopCookingCulture canceled because this madness must be stopped.
Who’s with me?
Updated: 5/12/2021 at 9 a.m ET: Our sister site Lifehacker did a deep dive into this outrage-inducing trend and I implore you all to give it a read because as writer Claire Lower said: “I’m over it, and I invite you to be over it with me.”