In a story reported by The Root staff writer Ishena Robinson, Gayle King interviewed the exhausting Miya Ponsetto, a woman who is also—
Ishena can explain it better than I can:
Interview maven Gayle King found out exactly how exhausting when she spoke to Ponsetto for CBS This Morning, hours before the 22-year-old was nabbed by police for her attack on 14-year-old Keyon Harrold Jr. (more on that later).
As you’ll remember, Ponsetto baselessly accused the Black teen of stealing her phone and then instigated a deranged apparent assault on him that was partly captured by the teen’s father—jazz musician Keyond Harrold Sr.—on video and posted to social media. Surveillance video shared by the NYPD after the initial video went viral shows that Ponsetto literally tackled the child. Following all that, her phone was discovered in an Uber and returned to her, after which she ran back home to California, probably confident that she would escape consequences for her actions.
After we published our story, we were contacted by someone who recognized Ponsetto from a previous encounter. Our anonymous source who is totally not named “Every Black Person Ever,” informed us that Miya strongly resembled a woman called “America.”
After conducting a voice analysis, The Root University’s Wypipologists Department managed to decode and translate Ponsetto’s statements from English to Wypiponics, an early European language that was brought to America on the Mayflower. It is kinda like Latin but for people who wear dukeless Daisy Dukes. For most of history, Wypiponics could only be heard by white ears...
Until now.
We present to you, a timestamped American translation of Gayle King’s actual interview with America.
Ponsetto: (01:19) I could have approached the situation differently, or maybe not yelled at him like that and made him feel, you know, maybe some sort of, uh, inferior way of making him feel as if I was like hurting his feelings because that’s not my intention. I consider myself to be super sweet. I really never, ever meant for it to, like, hurt him or his father either.
American Translation: I knew what I was doing to Black people was wrong. I know my actions are racist and it was not my intention. But what am I supposed to do when I want things? Be nice? Treat people like human beings?
I’m a super-sweet country, just not for Black people. Ask all the white people. They’ll tell you.
Ponsetto: (02:49) I don’t feel that that is who I am as a person. I don’t feel like this one mistake does define me, but I do sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Apologize that if I made the son feel as if I assaulted him, or if I hurt his feelings or the father’s feelings.
American Translation: I don’t feel like this is who I am as a country. Just because I was crazy, violent and racist that one time, and a few other times, and some more times, doesn’t make me a crazy, violent racist. What are you gonna do, judge me by my actions? That’s patently unfair. I’m America, goddammit!
Ponsetto: (03:17) But at the end of the day, the dad did end up slamming me to the ground and pulling my hair. And throwing me and dragging me across the ground. So I will say that.
King: Yeah, but I think, on the video we saw, it looked like you had just attacked his son.
Ponsetto:Yeah. The footage shows me attacking his son. Attacking him how? Yelling at him? Yes. OK. I apologize. Can we move on?
American Translation: But what about Chicago? Some of my best friends are Black. Plus, I feared for my life so I had to do something!
OK, history shows me committing many crimes, but why should his Black life matter? What about the troops? Can we move on? And, by “move on,” I mean ignore how I human trafficked Black people, engaged in genocide of Native Americans and mistreated every non-white population that ever came to this country?
I still get to bring up Chicago, and call them thugs, right?
Ponsetto: (03:52) OK. So basically I’m, I’m a 22 year old girl. I am...I don’t...Racism... As I said, how is one girl accusing a guy about a phone, a crime?
American Translation: How is me falsely accusing, slandering and labeling someone a crime? Just because I think Black people are thieves doesn’t make me a racist! Especially since he had a phone! Are Black people even allowed to have phones?
They are? And there are actual laws against slander and libel? When did this start?
Have I mentioned that I’m white?
Ponsetto: (04:43) Enough. The hotel did have my phone. The hotel did. I did get my belongings returned to me.
American Translation: Shut up, Black person! Why are you protesting so much?
Look, what’s important is that I got exactly what I wanted in the end. Sure, these insignificant Black people might suffer residual trauma for generations. But—even though I was wrong, haven’t apologized and refuse to accept any responsibility, you need to watch how your Black-ass talks to me!
Don’t you know who I am?
I’m America goddammit! I take things that belong to Black people and make them mine! You’re mad about a goddamned phone? Bitch, I will take your culture! I will swallow your dignity! I will snatch your fucking human from your Black nigger hands while the whole world is watching.
And if you dare raise a hand to me, they will call you the “thug.” They will ask why you attacked my innocence. They will make you into a villain because I am a beacon of freedom and prosperity. I am the American dream and you are just a nigger whose hands held the thing I desired. It doesn’t matter that you are a human because I am more human. Even though I am a relative infant idiot sitting next to someone who has accomplished more than my children’s children will ever dream of, I am so privileged that I will tell her to shut the fuck up. And you know why?
Because I’m America, goddammit!
Class dismissed.