1. Lonzo Ball’s jump shot
2. The Pittsburgh Public School System
3. The Kardashians, if they lived in a world where spicy-ish white girls weren’t catnip to thirsty niggas
4. Me, at 26
5. Actually, me until like 17 minutes ago
6. The clippers that Rajon Rondo’s bubble barber must’ve used
7. The Barksdale family by season five of The Wire
8. Candice Owens’ edges, even though I don’t really know what edges are, but I’ve heard that hers are quite broke
9. Barron Trump in 10 years, if his broke-ass daddy keeps putting electric bills in his name
10. Back Mountain (Get it? Broke-Back? Mountain? Nevermind.)
11. My faith in both the spice and the “chicken” in McDonald’s spicy chicken nuggets
12. Everyone today who was signed to Bad Boy Records in 2001
13. All the Pittsburgh niggas who rushed to Whiskey Dicks in the Strip each Saturday night in 2003 because drinks were free before 11 pm
14. Skype’s self-esteem, after Zoom came through and ate all its food
15. One of my yet-to-be-extracted wisdom teeth, unfortunately
16. Literally every vending machine that carries Fritos
17. The promise I made with myself in April to stop eating so many honey roasted peanuts
18. One of my neighbor’s commitment to social distancing
19. Any remaining faith in white Americans, collectively, to do the right thing
20. America