They’re like a 2020 Bonnie and Clyde, except if Bonnie and Clyde were cross-eyed middle-aged goats with a basement full of guns, chinos but, stunningly, no shoes.
You might know them as Mark and Patricia McCloskey, the white St. Louis couple who brandished their guns at protesters last month, convinced that the revolution had come for them, specifically. Apparently, White House occupant Donald Trump has since become a big fan of them.
They’ve now been charged with “unlawful use of a weapon—flourishing” reports CBS News. The charge is a Class E felony that could land the McCloskeys in prison for up to four years if convicted.
In a statement announcing the charges, St. Louis Circuit Attorney Kim Gardener pointed out that “it is illegal to wave weapons in a threatening matter at those participating in nonviolent protest.”
“While we are fortunate this situation did not escalate into deadly force, this type of conduct is unacceptable in St. Louis,” she continued. “We must protect the right to peacefully protest, and any attempt to chill it through intimidation will not be tolerated.”
Gardener said she would not seek prison time for the couple if they were to be convicted but would prefer to put them “in a diversion program, like community service” writes the New York Times.
As we’re obligated to recap the misdeeds of these high-profile fools, here’s what happened if you (blessedly) missed this story the first time. A group of protesters was heading to demonstrate in front of the home of St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson. The path they were on took them in front of the McCloskeys’ home. Because they have more ego and guns than they do brain cells, the couple assumed the crowd was for them and immediately feared for their lives, they said.
“It was like the storming of the Bastille, the gate came down and a large crowd of angry, aggressive people poured through,” Mark McCloskey said. “I was terrified that we’d be murdered within seconds. Our house would be burned down, our pets would be killed.”
Rich white folks have vivid imaginations, I tell you.
Anyway, since then the McCloskeys have become right-wing media darlings. A little digging from the St. Louis Post Dispatch also revealed that they’re personal injury lawyers who have amassed some of their wealth through suing other folks. In Mark McCloskey’s case, this includes neighbors, his former employer, and his own family. The stories they must tell at dinner parties!
Anyway, since birds of feather like to act aggrieved together, Missouri Attorney General Eric Schmitt filed a motion to have the charges against the McCloskeys dismissed on Monday night, saying in a statement that state law “provides broad rights to Missourians who are protecting their property and lives from those who wish to do them harm,” the New York Times noted. Missouri Governor Mike Parson also said in a recent radio interview that he would likely pardon the couple in any case.
What a couple, what a state, what a country!