Rise and Shine!
AmeriKKKa’s favorite president broke into our Sunday morning television airwaves today to unveil the “big surprise” he teased Saturday night on his favorite communication platform: Twitter.
Within the 9th hour of the Day the Lawd made, Poor POTUS announced that he—as the “commander in chief” gave direct orders to kill a person he described as “a sick and depraved man,” ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.
“Last night, the United States brought the world’s No. 1 terrorist leader to justice,” Trump said from the Diplomatic Room at the White House. “Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead.”
Baghdadi was allegedly chased with three young children into what he described as a “dead-end tunnel” by dogs during an overnight raid of his compound in Syria.
Trump said Baghdadi—who presided over ISIS’ global jihad over the last five years—set off his suicide vest, killing himself and the children.
“Baghdadi was vicious and violent and he died in a vicious and violent way as a coward running and crying,” Trump said at a news conference live from the White House.
He described watching the raid that killed Baghdadi “as though you were watching a movie.”
“The technology there alone is really great.”
Luckily no U.S. personnel were reported lost in the “very secret mission.”
“I’ve been looking for him for three years,” Trump said of Baghdadi, whom the Associated Press described as “perhaps the world’s most wanted man.”
If he is telling the truth (and that’s a big if): gold star for him.
He’s taking note directly from the Barack Hussein Obama playbook, who in the third year of his first term in office announced the capture and death of al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden.
As the 2020 election heats up—and Pelosi’s Impeachment Investigation too— it’s all about optics at this point for the White House.
And this news will surely galvanize Donald John’s rabid Republican base.
“Last night was a great night for the United States and for the world. A brutal killer, one who has caused so much hardship and death, has violently been eliminated,” he read into the cameras. “He will never again harm another innocent man, women or child. He died like a dog. He died like a coward. The world is now a much safer place. God bless America. Thank you. Any questions?”
During Trump’s big moment, White House’s social media director Dan Scavino swiftly tweeted a photo of Trump in the Situation Room monitoring developments as U.S. Special Operations forces allegedly closed in on Baghdadi’s compound in Syria.
Correction: Monday, Oct. 28, 2019, 9:45 a.m. EST: An earlier version of this story incorrectly identified ISIS as the group affiliated with Osama bin Laden. It is al-Qaeda. We regret the error.