Omarosa Leaving the White House for Lucrative Career in Unemployment

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Omarosa Manigault Newman, reality star and aunt who brings store-bought pound cake to Thanksgiving dinner, is leaving her post in the Trump administration and her position as Black Person in the Trump administration.

According to CBS News, Manigault Newman resigned Tuesday to “pursue other opportunities,” effective Jan. 20, 2018. She has served as assistant to the president and director of communications for the White House Office of Public Liaison since Donald Trump took office. Although no one can specifically point to any assistance she gave to the president or communications she directed, members of the National Association of Black Journalists can attest that she routinely lies in public. (That’s what public “liaison” means, right? I’m pretty sure it’s a French word that means “saditty liar.”)

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Omarosa’s tenure in the White House was tumultuous and filled with rumors. There’s the one about her bringing her entire wedding party to the White House to take pictures without telling anyone she was coming. There’s the one about her constantly calling Trump on his private cellphone to spill tea about what people were saying about him. There’s the one about her threatening veteran White House reporter and the aunt you actually like, April Ryan.

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There’s the time she convinced Trump to host a cookout and invited the Congressional Black Caucus with an invitation signed “the Honorable Omarosa Manigault.” Don’t forget the rumor about her latching on to Trump because everyone else thinks she’s an opportunistic Negro version of Cruella de Vil who ... wait, we can actually confirm that last one.

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While The Root would never spread unconfirmed rumors, it’s Omarosa, so we’ll just drop this little bit of auntie tea right here and let you do with it what you will:

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Omarosa hasn’t announced her plans for the future yet, but as someone who was once fired from my job in my college’s dining hall for letting my frat brother walk through the line free, I’d like to offer some job-seeking advice and suggest six positions Omarosa could apply for:

  • Beverly Hills Day Care Center: She babysat a rich white toddler for almost a year. She should at least put that on her résumé.
  • New York City Transit Authority: I mean ... she’s gotta know a lot about tokens, right? Especially if they’re vintage.
  • Dance instructor: I’m sure her shuck classes would sell out, and she’s already known for her jive stylings. Not to mention her experience in both the stepping and fetching genres.
  • A traveling rodeo clown: She’s one of the greatest coattail riders of all time, so I’m sure a bull would be no problem.
  • First responder: She already worked in a dumpster fire of an administration and helped resuscitate white supremacists all over the country.
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Also, we could find no truth to the rumor that Trump woke up in the middle of the night, turned on the news and screamed, “Black women in Alabama did what? Send Omarosa over.”

Read more at CBS News.