I know one of the things white people get tired of hearing is the line, “If he were white, that never would have happened.” They heard it about Trayvon Martin. They heard it about Mike Brown. Most recently, after police partially justified the killing of Philando Castile by saying the officer smelled marijuana in his car, many black people said that when white teenagers clash with police, they never end up dead.
One of my dreams in life is to start a television network called the Black Imagination Channel. The programming on BIC will simply be shows of white people doing all the things black people imagine they do when we’re not looking.
There will be cooking shows where they take the chicken out of the pack and put it right on the grill without seasoning it. Saturday mornings will feature No Soul Train—a dance show that highlights white people’s blatant disregard for downbeats. And every evening, in the 6 o’clock hour, BIC will air our hit show, White Privilege Today.
The first episode will feature the story of 18-year-old Logan Huysman, who showed the world what happens when privilege, police and a few hits of marijuana collide.
According to WCAX, police found Huysman and one of her friends passed out in a car with the engine running in a Burlington, Vt., parking lot. Out of concern for her safety, police woke her up, she got belligerent and the interaction ended with Huysman being arrested, like some ordinary, everyday ... umm ... you know what I want to say.
After the incident, Huysman accused the Burlington Police Department of police brutality and sexual assault and said that officers made up the whole part about her “mule-kicking” them as they tried to handcuff her. Poor little blond-haired Huysman even went on TV to explain how the BPD had violated her rights. She pleaded not guilty to the so-called trumped-up charges and vowed to fight back until she held the entire city accountable for their actions.
So the Burlington Police Department released the bodycam footage, and it turns out that Huysman’s arrest clip was everything black people imagined would happen when a privileged, spoiled white woman clashed with police.
In the video, the police officer knocks on the window, waking up Huysman as she sits behind the wheel of the car. Once Huysman gets out of the car, the police officer gently explains how he was worried about her. Just as we imagined, he doesn’t have his gun trained on her, and incredibly, she is allowed to move freely without being shot! She sarcastically tells the police her number is 802-911-911-911-911 (because women at the club do it to me all the time, I’m good at recognizing fake digits, and I’m pretty sure that’s not her phone number).
When the officer pulled a bong out of her front seat and noted that she and her passenger smelled like weed, Huysman grabbed the bong and threw it back into her car. Witnessing this disrespectful act, the cop did exactly what we’ve seen officers do to black people a million times: He punched her in the throat sternly asked her “Why did you do that?” Then, like a savage, he tased her repeatedly called her father!
But Huysman wasn’t done. First she agitated the officer by pretending to run and attack his partner (or, as black people call it: “What happened just before they shot ___”). When the cop confiscated the bong, she screamed at them, demanding money. After she grabbed the bong and tried to run, bragging about how she “runs cross-country, bro,” the police had no choice but to arrest her for her actions. Huysman then gave the officers one last kick in the groin as they begged her to stop resisting.
After the arrest, Huysman caused a stir by going on Facebook and telling everyone how she was a victim of police brutality, and her story even made it onto the local news. She dispelled black people’s notions that police treat white people differently because of white privilege. Logan Huysman was a victim, too, according to Logan Huysman.
So police released the video, and it turns out that it confirmed everything we ever imagined happens when the immovable force of white privilege meets anything else. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d like to thank the Burlington Police Department for keeping her off the streets—if only for one night.
Huysman pleaded not guilty to assault on a police officer, WCAX reports, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. How much you wanna bet that she won’t do any time? I could use the money. I’ll put it toward starting the network.
Until the Black Imagination Channel debuts, you can view the complete Burlington Police Department video of Huysman’s arrest below.