An argument over Star Wars vs. Star Trek erupted into a WWE match and offered proof of why we need better police officers in this country.
According to Fox 25 News, 23-year-old Jerome Dewayne Whyte (who—despite his last name—made it to the championship round of the Blackest Name Ever tournament) was arguing with another man in the living room of an Oklahoma City apartment about which science fiction series was better: Star Wars or Star Trek.
The Oklahoma City Police Department didn’t mention it in their report, but we can safely assume that at least one of the men called it “Star Track,” because ... didn’t we all at one time?
The victim, overcome with emotion from the existential question, yelled, “You’re just a trick” and retreated to his room, presumably to play with his R2-D2 action figures.
Of course Whyte couldn’t let it go, since this topic has plagued humanity for decades and he needed resolution. Also, because his name is Jerome. Jeromes aren’t known for letting shit slide, because all Jeromes are savages.
That’s why running back Jerome “the Bus” Bettis is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame for basically mowing over people like a runaway bowling ball during his 12-year NFL career. It’s why Morris Day kept Jerome Benton in the Time despite his having no discernible talent besides holding a mirror. It’s why I had to fight Jerome Manigault in the fifth grade when he kept slapping me on the back of the head, repeating the line from the Life-cereal commercial, “Mikey likes it.”
Whyte followed the dude into the room and allegedly “shoved him to the ground.” When the victim got up, he asked Whyte, “You wanna replay that?” That was a bad move. (Didn’t this dude know the history of Jeromes?) As precedent and science teach us, of course, Whyte pushed him down again.
Whyte then went full Dusty Rhodes on his foe and put him in a headlock until the victim was nearly unconscious, forcing the man to grab a knife. Whyte grabbed the knife by the blade (because ... savage) and cut himself. Then he just got up and went back into the living room.
Police later arrested Whyte and charged him with assault and battery, possession of marijuana and outstanding Oklahoma County warrants (you know, basic Jerome stuff).
This incident highlights how police fail the public every day, because nowhere in their report do they mention whether Whyte was fighting for the Star Wars side or the Star Trek side. We need to know, but pertinent information like this is always kept from the public.
It also signals the need for lawmakers to pass hate crime legislation that will outlaw this kind of behavior. If the American legal system were really concerned about justice, they would have charged Whyte with “first-degree Jeroming,” punishable by three years in prison and a $20,000 fine. But that’s the world we live in—where the people sworn to protect and serve can’t even keep us safe from Jeromes. Godspeed, Mr. Whyte.
May the force be with him.
Live long and prosper.
Read more at Fox News 25.