20 Dishes You BET NOT Bring to a Black Holiday Dinner

If you didn’t allot enough time to cook, just say that. I’ll starve all day till 4 p.m. instead of snack on raw carrots and broccoli. At least bring a char-whatever-it-is board.

If you walk through the door with some slices, trade your “Happy Thanksgiving” for an apology.

Don’t offend me. The two may appear similar but they are NOT the same. Give me dressing or nothing at all.

Amongst the several polls I sent out requesting ideas for this list, this abomination was at the top. The only acceptable form of green beans is with smoked turkey neck and potatoes. Why is it a trend to make this a casserole?

This may be debatable, but trust...you’ll never find this in my household. We have other things to hold gravy. Enter: rice, dressing, and of course, turkey.

Matter fact, keep anything you got with raisins in it. Keep ya potato salad, ya pasta salad, macaroni salad and the criminal attempt at a pan of macaroni and cheese if it has raisins. You must do time over this.

I don’t have anything against pumpkins for the rest of the Fall/Autumn season, but on Thanksgiving? This is strictly a sweet potato household. If I bite into a pie and it’s pumpkin, we might have to fight.

Why? You’re better off bringing artichoke dip for us to snack on while we wait for the food. No one is putting this on their plate.

There’s a specific selection of vegetables that are Thanksgiving-friendly and Brussels sprouts ain’t on the list, sweetheart. Now...if you know how to make them Capital Grille style, you can bring me a pan ;)

Since I was a child, I sat in the kitchen snapping green beans and watching my grandmother clean the collards. You think I don’t know the difference between fresh and canned vegetables? Go head...take the risk of being embarrassed by the shady banter of the entire family if you cut corners and bring canned greens.

Again, we can tell the difference. There are too many leftover greases and turkey juices for you to not be able to make a gravy. Leave that flavorless roux home.

The main desserts include pie, cobblers, banana pudding and maybe a pound cake. If you walk in with a fruit cake, you will also leave with that fruit cake.

Speaking of desserts, we like sugar. We embrace gluten. Even if you’re trying to be conscious of the one guest who has a dietary restriction, please let the rest of us enjoy ourselves.

On any other day, I will embrace vegan alternatives. But please don’t play with my pork chops and turkey wings.

We’re wayyy past that odd 1980s moment when everything edible was put in gelatin. Leave it alone, babes..unless it’s Jell-O shots. Those are always welcome.

I just learned that this unicorn vomit had a name. That being said, don’t you even dare.

Why?

I get it. Tis’ the season to embrace all variations of broccoli-cheddar dishes. But do us a favor and leave your go-to lunch food in the fridge.

Are you crazy? Your kids have been eating spaghetti for the past week and that’s what you bring to the feast of feasts?!

Every family has the one relative they can count on for a prominent Thanksgiving dish. If Mama makes the mac n’ cheese every year, please don’t consider this your moment to play Hell’s Kitchen. You will lose.