#LivingWhileBlack is tough. It seems that just by living our black-ass lives and minding our black-ass business, we are subject to all types of nonsensical terror, ranging from unfounded 911 calls to death. It doesn’t matter if you are a billionaire, Bob Marley’s granddaughter, an NBA player, the editor-in-chief of Vogue, a pageant queen, or T.I.—if you are black, you in danger, girl.
Here’s a list of ordinary activities, that if done while black (and often, when brown), can get us a 911 call, arrested, fined, jailed, cussed out, threatened, or worse—killed.
- Studying at your own campus’ law library
- Cheering on your son at a soccer game
- Sitting in your assigned seat on an airplane
- Building a community garden
- Waiting outside of a gas station while other members of your group get refreshments inside
- Babysitting white children
- Riding in the car with your white grandmother
- Move your own belongings into your own home
- Fouling a white man who is playing basketball with you
- Swimming at the pool in your own apartment complex
- And... swimming at your own neighborhood pool
- And… wearing socks at your own neighborhood pool
- And… wearing a hijab (and cotton) at the pool
- Selling water without a permit (at 8 years old)
- Using a coupon at CVS
- And… using a digital coupon at Dollar General
- Waiting for your Uber in the rain
- Having a business meeting at Starbucks
- Pushing your own baby around the park in his stroller
- Leaving a bodega while wearing a bookbag (at 9 years old)
- Just existing in your own home
- Donating to the homeless
- Being happy, while a white woman is sad
- Cutting your neighbor’s lawn (at 12 years old)
- Riding your bike
- Delivering newspapers
- Napping in your own dorm common room
- Being a billionaire and checking into your hotel while wearing sunglasses
- Getting on an elevator
- Accidentally wetting your neighbor’s house while playing on your Slip-N-Slide (at 12 years old)
- Not removing your bandanna
- Being upset about your father’s arrest (at 10 years old)
- Trying to cash a check for $140 (at 78 years old)
- Being the victim of physical assault by your racist neighbors
- Trying to file a baggage claim and asking for the manager
- Buying snacks
- Roaming around the park (at ages 9-12)
- Conducting city-mandated inspections at your life-saving job as a firefighter
- Owning your own business and attempting to open it to get the day started
- Renting an Airbnb
- Entering your own gated neighborhood
- Eating at Subway as a family, on the way back from grandmother’s birthday
- Smoking cigarettes in your own parking lot
- Entering your own vehicle
- “Stealing” someone’s parking spot in a public lot
- Having a funeral
- Shopping at Hobby Lobby
- Listening to a yoga CD in your own car
- Trying to retrieve your own children from the movie theater
- Having a cookout
- Entering your own apartment building
- Questioning a $1.50 up-charge on your Waffle House receipt
- Having a white girlfriend with a cop-daddy
- Taking too long in the bathroom
- Performing a house inspection at your job as a real estate investor
- Asking about a $0.50 charge for plastic utensils at waffle house
- Asking why you are getting a ticket
- Listening to ’90s R&B to celebrate your cardiology fellowship
- Golfing too slowly
- Laughing on the Napa Valley wine train
- Trying to see your dying son at the hospital
- Skateboarding
- Purchasing items at Walgreens
- Requesting that your Uber take you to your actual drop-off location
- Doing community service for your sorority
- Asking for sliced cheese at CVS
- Asking for a refund
- Being an 86-year-old with dementia
- Looking for a bathroom
- Eating at Applebee’s
- Wearing too many clothes on an airplane
- In this special case, police told Latina Herring to stop calling the police. She said her boyfriend had a gun and was going to harm her and her son. They told her to stop calling, and three hours later she and her 8-year-old were dead, (allegedly) shot to death by said boyfriend
- Maneuvering around an erratic driver
- Shopping for prom
- Eating lunch on your own college campus
- Being bald and appearing agitated
- Working out at L.A. Fitness
- Paying for your Mentos
- Arriving late for a college tour
- Raising money for your football team at the zoo
- Grocery shopping
- Dining at IHOP
- Campaigning because you are run for office
- Canvassing for a congressional candidate
- Trying to go home
- Having Instagram photos that are too sexy
- Changing lanes without signaling
- Selling CDs
- Driving without a front license plate
- Sleeping (at 7 years old)
- Being a whale
- Walking your dog
- Being afraid
- Running
- Walking home with Skittles and an Arizona Iced Tea
- Go to Bible study at church
- Dining at Bahama Breeze
- Asking Victoria’s Secret to remove the sensor from your already-purchased bra
- Moving into your apartment
- Literally existing, anytime, anywhere
If you need some joy or relief after reading all of these, look no further: this Black poll worker called the police on a couple of suspicious white people.