By now, you’ve probably watched The Scene’s 6-minute plus video of former lovers turned exes, Kourtney and Leonard, who broke up, presumably, due to the Leonard's (@LennyLoudPacks on the Twitters) rampant cheating. The girlfriend, Kourtney (@creolekourt) asks the hard questions, you know, “why?” “how many times?” and shares a story about walking in on him smackin’ bellies with somebody else and him telling her to get out.
Let me just cut to the chase: I’m not sure that I believe it’s a “real” video. I can’t prove that it isn’t, but something about you baby, makes me want to get with you it feels staged. But since Brittany Murphy would never tell, we may never know, and Kourt is on the Twitters talkin’ about new boos and sending love and shenanigans to the ex-boo by putting his social medias out there.
Upfront, he deserves it. Not just because he cheated on her, that’s their personal shit. He does deserve to get railed for being willing to go on camera and look like a vapid, emotionless robot who, if he did cheat, not only doesn’t care, decided to make a video exhibiting how much he doesn’t care. Look, if you’re going to cheat and not care, just fade into the sunset, do not make a fucking video showcasing it. What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with y’all? You niggas are crazy.
Since this fucktastic video DOES exist, however, we might as well talk about it. Here are 10 of the most ridiculous parts of this video to me.
1. My man has zero emotions.
And it’s the main reason I think this is staged. They’re allegedly still “friends” but you go sit in front of your ex and tell her how much of a rat bastard you are and show no remorse? I don’t buy it. Even the most cold-hearted fothermucker would father stretch his hands to touch her when she starts crying. At least a knee or something. My man looks like he’s waiting for this shit to be over so he can go play some more Pokemon Go! They didn’t break up because he cheated, they broke up because he didn’t care that he cheated when confronted.
2. She walked in on him in bed with somebody else, he told her to get out, and she did.
No word on if he finished the job or not, but lawdjeefus I hope he put the other broad out because fuck. I actually do know of somebody who told me she walked in on her dude with somebody else and just left, though they were just “talking” at the time. She goes by @creolekourt on Twitter. Which I’m guessing means she’s from The Boot, or is Boot-adjacent. For that reason, I’m not buying it. All the chicks I know from down yonder are 38 hot when it comes to emotions, ESPECIALLY if they run up on you cheating. Her assumed origins make it hard for me to fathom her just turning around and walking out. Maybe she went to private school or something.
3. Back to the no emotions, he never touches her once.
Maybe the agreement was she couldn’t put any hands on him so he couldn’t put any hands on her. Maybe that’s what the release statement said. But otherwise, I’m AMAZED he didn’t even reach out to comfort her once. How you gonna act like that? It seems like just the other day that they broke up, but he has nothing in the tank for her, not even to stop her from crying. I can be an emotionless zombie on occasion, but at the LEAST I would hug or touch or offer a hot beverage.
4. He basically blames her for his cheating.
Her going through this shit helped to embolden him to step out. She didn’t trust him and rightfully so, dontchaknow, and yet he felt she had no right to invade his privacy. Look, I’m a big fan of folks not invading my privacy. THAT PART. But you can’t be mad at somebody for doing something because they think that you’re doing what you’re actually doing. You keep shooting me and I just might try to hide the guns. You can’t be mad at me for being proactive. Now, if she checked and he wasn’t doing shit, then she needed to NOT DO IT AGAIN. Wasn’t her ministry tho. She was part of the Been Cheated On So I’m All Up In His Phone Ministry. Also, he needs a better password…one of them 6-character joints.
5. He asks her “why didn’t you leave?”
In a vacuum, it’s a fair question; in the context of their now past relationship, what an asshole question to ask. He’s look for some sort of validation even in his assholery. He gets high marks for douchiness. Asking that question almost REQUIRES her to say one of two things: 1) I was stupid, which she says, or 2) because I loved you. The first makes it seem like she was a glutton for punishment and the second just gives him something to feel good about. I hate them both.
6. He actually says that he hopes they can remain friends so he can watch her grow into the woman she’s becoming.
HOLD MY MULE. For why, bitch? For the record, I hate it when folks say the “I hope we can still be friends” shit after a breakup. Who means it? What does it even mean? I know folks who’ve said it. I haven’t. But what an asshole thing to say. “I tried to break you and treated you like shit, but look at you blossom girl…can I watch?”
7. She says, “I don’t think you’re a bad guy because you cheated.” Also, she forgave him “because you’re my best friend.”
That’s nice. And maybe he isn’t a terrible human being, like, compared to world history. But he was a bad guy to you, boo. It’s okay to say that. My man was strokin’ like Clarence Carter everywhere while y’all were together, and smashed so many folks he “hasn’t even thought about how many” as a way to not say 100 chicks. The best friend shit though, man, her BFF bar is so loooooooooooooow.
8. He really hit her with the, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
That happened. "You perfect. Did not want."
9. He says he just couldn’t commit nor did he want to, so he cheated.
SO WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE, B? Shit. I just heaved.
10. This video’s existence is ridiculous.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears: Don’t do this at home. Your mentions will be in shambles. It’s not a good look. Somebody HAS to be the bad guy or it’s a useless video. Did I mention shambled mentions. Do not want.